Cold-Hearted Citizens
by Soleana-Doom
Summary: Response to a prompt by Ramendobe. It's winter in Metro City - and with Metro Man visiting family for the holidays, it's the perfect time for the Master of All Villainy and his Minion to take over. But some of the robotics in Minion's suit are damaged last-minute, so when Megamind's plan literally falls apart, he's left to face the angry populace all on his own.
1. Chapter 1

"It's winter in Metro City, and everything is _freezing cold_. As long-time residents will know, seasons along the coast aren't usually this harsh. Local meteorologists suggest that we may be feeling the unpleasant effects of global climate change. Six snow-ploughs have broken down in the last week alone. Luckily, our local government is well-prepared for such incidents for obvious reasons and has dealt with the damages as quickly as ever.

"Next on KMCP News: How to stay safe in snowy conditions. Roxanne Ritchi, signing off."

Roxanne made a quick slicing motion with her free hand and Hal lowered the camera, grinning from inside the hood of his parka.

"Wow, Roxanne, that was awesome. You look, like, really pretty standing there in the snow all hardcore, like the snow isn't even-"

She pushed past him in a dash for the back of the van, jumping in and slamming the door behind her. Her muffled voice could be still be heard: "Thank you, Hal, but I'm putting my real coat back on now."

Hal trudged back over to the van, opening the driver side door and practically tossing his camera into the back where Roxanne was wrapping a black scarf around her neck and tucking it under a thick red coat. "Aw, Roxie," he complained. "You looked so good in that little gray jacket."

Gritting her teeth and forcing herself to smile, Roxanne patiently explained "That was the point, Hal. I was dressing up for my report. Now it's over, I'd really like to bundle up and go home."

"Right, right." Hal nodded quickly. "Totally. Totally fair. You know, we could stop at my place and I could make you some hot chocolate. I'm not doing anything else today, so you could hang out for, like, pretty much as long as you want."

"Sorry, I've already got plans." Roxanne hopped over the gear shift into the passenger seat. "Just drop me off at the news station so I can pick up my stuff, please."

Hanging his head, Hal muttered, "Yeah, of course." They drove back in silence, and Hal sped off the second Roxanne stepped out of the van.

She looked over her shoulder for a brief moment as the van disappeared around a corner, then exhaled, shivered, and walked into the station.

* * *

Megamind's desk chair was a spinning blur of black and blue, from which emanated a familiar joyous cackle.

A hulking silhouette appeared behind the curtain, drawing it back in one swift, mechanical motion. "Sir! Did you figure out how we're going to defeat Metro Man this time?"

The desk chair slowly came into focus as Megamind stopped spinning. Leaping to his feet and immediately swaying like a seasick sailor, he lunged forward to grasp Minion's furry forearms. "That's the best part, you impressive icthyoid! We don't _have_ to go through Wayne this time!"

Minion gaped, fins fluttering and many-toothed jaw hanging open. "We don't? But we always fight Metro Man. How are we going to take over without beating him?"

* * *

Back in the KMCP News offices, Roxanne was staring out the window with a bag slung over her shoulder. Her hands, still a bit numb, burrowed into her pockets as she contemplated the cold walk back to her apartment. But as her fingers brushed against her phone, her lips curved into a grin.

Pulling her phone out of her coat pocket, Roxanne called up the first number on her speed dial. It rang five times, and then –

"Hey, buddy!" The familiar voice of Metro City's Defender and Roxanne's many-time rescuer boomed into her ear.

"Wayne!" she exclaimed in relief. "I was wondering if you wanted to go grab some hot coffee, it's-"

"This is Wayne Scott's phone. I'm on vacation right now, uh," there's whispering in the background, "Right. Leave a message and I'll get back to you in a week, okay? Okay." The message ended with a beep and Roxanne hastily pressed 'end call'.

Her mouth flattened into a line and she quietly swore. "Well, _sh-_ "

* * *

"It's perfect, Minion!" Megamind exalted, regaining his balance and dancing over to the monitors. He hit a button and the monitors blinked to an aerial view of the Scott family home.

Minion tapped his fingers together as he followed. "Er, what is, Sir?"

Shaking excitedly, Megamind extended a blue hand to point at the screens behind him. "When the Scotts are at home, their butler always parks his car directly behind the garage. It is _not there_. Therefore, the Scotts are not there."

Wide brown eyes grew slightly wider. "Sir, you're not saying…?"

Black obscured the screens as Megamind darted past them, cape swirling behind him. "I have confirmed by checking their so-see-all media accounts. The _entire_ Scott family is on vacation."

Minion put his robotic hands up to his tank and gasped loudly.

With his characteristic smirk spreading across his face, the Master of All Villainy stepped up to a massive control panel and threw a lever. The floor began rising, and he turned back to Minion. "I have pinpointed their current location, and determined that they will be unable to receive calls for the next three days. If we move fast, we can conquer the city and fortify it against him before anyone warns him of our plot."

"Are we going to laugh now, Sir?" Minion asked, doing a joyful flip in his tank.

Megamind's vivid green eyes crinkled up as he nodded, still smirking. "Oh yes."

If anyone had been in the alley outside at the time, they might have been startled by the raucous bouts of enthusiastic laughter coming from the graffiti-covered walls.


	2. Chapter 2

Roxanne pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, scrunching up her face as she considered her options. Wayne was out of town, and there was zero chance that Megamind wouldn't find out. In fact, depending on how long he had been gone, he might already know.

And Wayne could have been gone as much as a week, she mused, realizing she hadn't seen him since the last kidnapping. That wasn't particularly unusual, but it suddenly seemed very ominous. What had he been thinking? Maybe he left while Megamind was in jail, but it wasn't like that had ever held him before. Well, one thing was certain; when this was all over, she was giving that floating doofus a very stern lecture.

The more pressing matter, however, was finding a safe place to ride out this week's evil plan. It's not like she was particularly concerned about being harmed, but if Wayne wasn't there to rescue her she'd probably end up staying in the Evil Lair for days. And last time that happened – she tried not to think about last time that happened. She could only be glad that neither of the durable duo had actually lost an eye.

Her best bet to minimize kidnapping time was probably to go home and hope he'd delay his plan until she left for work in the morning. Although she couldn't prove anything, she was 99% sure it wouldn't be the first time he'd waited on her behalf. He never seemed to kidnap her in the morning unless she'd gone to bed early the previous night.

With that in mind, Roxanne pulled up her scarf to cover her mouth and stepped out onto the snowy sidewalk. If she was lucky, she could make it to her apartment before Megamind's plot had even begun.

* * *

"Lady Luck is on our side this time, Min-yon!" Megamind grabbed one of his hench-fish's mechanical wrists and pulled him towards the battle suit rising out of the floor. Consisting mostly of gleaming titanium and reinforced plexiglass, it was nothing short of a work of art. Showmanship was incredibly important to Megamind, and it was a shame that few truly appreciated the dedication to form _and_ function that went into each of his evil plans.

"It sure is, Sir," Minion agreed, luminescing a little as he and his supervillain looked up at the giant metal contraption. Nothing made him happier than seeing his charge enjoying himself. "Shall I get you the control suit so you can prepare to siege the city?"

Megamind smiled affectionately. "On top of things as always, my fulgent friend. Yes, get me my suit. Because once you do," He grabbed the brown fish's robotic shoulders, pulling himself up and smashing his face against the fish's tank, "Metrocity will be ours!"

"Yes, sir!" Minion saluted and waved over a group of brainbots who had been fighting over a wrench nearby. Megamind let go of his furry shoulders, instead turning to press his hands against the chassis of the battle suit. It was polished so well that he could see his large blue head reflected in it, distorted to appear even larger.

After only a few seconds had passed, a loud crash and the sick screech of metal on metal echoed through the Lair. Megamind jolted away from his newest invention, eyes growing wide in alarm.

"I'm okay!" Minion shouted from around the corner. Still, Megamind sprinted across the polished floors, almost tripping over his own feet, to verify with his own eyes that his lifelong friend was truly unharmed.

On the far wall, the entrance to Minion's sewing room had been completely desecrated. The thick soundproof door had been wrenched out of the wall, and most of it had ended up through Minion's robot body, which lay crumpled and motionless on the floor. Brainbots hovered guiltily around it, avoiding eye contact.

At the edge of this not-entirely-unusual scene, Minion's tank rested a few feet away from where it had once been attached. The glass was scratched, but it and its occupant were otherwise entirely intact.

In a few determined and suspiciously heroic bounds, Megamind navigated the debris on the floor to kneel beside his friend's tank. "Minyon!"

Minion fluttered his fins and flipped upright. "I'm alright, Sir, see? Just a chassis wound… eh, heh heh…" He glanced over at the wrecked suit lying on the floor. "Or not. Sorry, Sir."

"No, it is I who should be sorry, Minyon." Megamind rested a hand on the glass tank and Minion bumped it affectionately. "Clearly the latest batches of brainbots have failed to achieve the true potential that I designed them for- and," he stared at the floor and furrowed his brows, leaving his eyes in shadow, "I, criminal genius that I am… waited too long to correct this."

"You five- pay attention!" He cast a dramatic and furious glare at the floating robots. "Each one of you involved in this incident will be marked down for ree-medial training. 463, 576, 427, 525." He focused an especially scalding glare at the red-accented brainbot in the corner and spoke in a chiding tone. "Rouge. What have I told you about staying on-task during ee-vil plots? I _made_ your memory banks, I know you remember. Go find 17, and don't leave their sight until I decide you've learned your lesson. Stop looking me like that, 17 is your senior and you could learn something from them. _Go._ "

Thus humbled, all five sped off to avoid further reprimands from their very peeved father figure.

"What will we do now, Sir?" Minion asked somewhat sadly. "If we have to fix my suit, we'll never be able to get the plan started in time."

"Don't give up yet, Minion," Megamind reassured him, shifting to grab the tank and standing with it. "We still have your old suits, I think you'll still fit in some of them."

"But Sir, those suits aren't designed for this kind of inclement weather." His fins fluttered in agitation as the tank was carried back to the main workshop.

Normally Megamind would have been insulted at the implication that such a small factor would stop him, the Master of All Villainy, but right now his worry for his friend overrode his ego. Setting Minion on a table next to a satellite prototype, he responded: "That won't be a problem. We'll move to plan B- you monitor the operation from the lair and make sure the brainbots are refreshing their training as I told them to. I'll operate the suit as if nothing had changed."

"What about Ms. Ritchi?" the aquatic alien asked, looking up at his best friend from the tabletop.

Megamind's grin faltered for a moment. "Unfortunately, with your mobility compromised we'll have to take over City Hall first and kidnap her later." He forced the grin to return in full. "With Metro Man out of town, that'll take- what, an hour? Don't worry so much, Minyon." He turned quickly so Minion wouldn't see the expression of doubt overtaking his face. "I'll be right back with one of your old suits."

Having known Megamind since he was barely a week old, Minion could easily read the disappointment in his voice. "Of course, Sir. I'm not worried at all. In fact, I'll bet she'll be so impressed with you after this she'll – she'll finally admit the benefits of being Evil."

Sounding a little more cheerful, Megamind replied, "I certainly hope so, my Minyon."


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe forty minutes later, Roxanne was approaching the city center. Her apartment was just a couple blocks further, but she'd have to pass City Hall before she got there. As she quietly drew closer down the least busy road she could find, she wasn't surprised to hear shouting, and the sounds of mechanical things falling from above. Hopefully if she avoided the epicenter, keeping her hood up should be enough to pass unnoticed at the edge of the commotion. Her plan could still work.

But what she saw when she cautiously peered around the corner was not what she expected. There was the giant 'Ee-vil' machine, as usual. It was a big robot, which had apparently punched a hole right into the second story of City Hall. Unlike the usual, however, it wasn't moving; it actually seemed to be falling apart. And instead of running for a safer spot to hide, or watch from, people had formed a crowd right behind the robot, throwing snowballs and shouting at a small figure clothed in black-

That big blue head. Megamind. Why wasn't he in the robot? Why was he collapsed like that, kneeling in the snow, with splotches of red on his-

She stopped in an instant, stumbling backwards and leaning against the nearest building for support. A mix of emotions pushed to the front of her mind.

Confusion. Her eyes frantically searched for a hint that this wasn't what it seemed. A hologram generator carefully hidden in a bush, the real Megamind off to the side with a remote, she'd even take Minion rushing in with a first-aid kit. But there was nothing.

Fear. She'd seen Megamind get his butt kicked so many times she would have lost track if not for the records kept by the news station. But she'd rarely seen him bleed- maybe it was the durable material he used for his costume, or the way Metro Man always aimed for the torso. Either way, these people throwing snowballs had hurt him as badly, maybe even worse, than the guy who sometimes crushed cars in the junkyard as a light workout ever had.

Anger. She knew how to deal with that, of course. Some people- too many people- would never take a woman seriously if she got emotional in front of them. So she learned to smile, dress up, and respond politely even when she really wanted to _strangle somebody._

In novels, people always move without thinking, but Roxanne knew exactly what she was doing when she stepped out of the alley and strode towards the crowd.

They hadn't expected her. That much was clear from the look on their faces when she approached. Maybe they had assumed she'd already been kidnapped. Hah. At this point, she kind of wished that had been the case. If he'd brought her with him in the first place, maybe-

No use thinking about that now. People skittered aside as she entered the crowd. She suspected maybe she was running. Around her, snowball-throwing arms hesitated and dropped to their owners' sides. She stopped when she reached him, slowing to stand and stare as her heart dropped.

Even on his knees like he was, Megamind was barely managing to stay upright. He was leaning forward, hands on the ground to steady himself. His whole body was shaking, and he had clearly given up on defending himself. The cuts and bruises blooming across his scalp were horrifying. She knew that head wounds were supposed to bleed more, but that was a lot of blood painting his big blue cranium crimson. Too much.

Her eyes scanned the churned-up snow around Megamind's crouching form. There were intact snowballs on every side of him, further proof that people had been packing them tightly enough to freeze the flakes together, tightly enough to do serious damage to an unprotected head. And those glasslike shards- icicles? Had they been throwing icicles? Her heart beat faster as adrenaline rushed through her body and made her fight to keep her hands from shaking.

Still looking down, seemingly unaware that the attack had even stopped, he clearly had no idea she was there.

She knelt next to him and spoke softly. "Megamind. It's okay, I'm here now. They won't hurt you anymore." He didn't respond, still slumped and shaking, so small out in the open, his ripped cape adding to the effect. She reached out, hesitantly, and put an arm around his torso, pulling him to his feet. It didn't seem to help his condition. He looked as confused as ever, and as she tried to help him walk forwards he stumbled and almost fell to the ground again. A couple people booed. Pointedly ignoring them, she crouched, still supporting his shoulders, and swept his legs off the ground with her other arm. When she stood, she had him in her arms.

* * *

A blurry face, round and pale and topped with brown. "Minyon?" he muttered weakly, relaxing into the arms that held him. Was that right? He vaguely remembered leaving Minion in the Lair, but who else could this be? Who else would save _him_? Megamind used the last of his strength to pull his vulnerable head closer to his rescuer, to safety. Then the world went dark as he lost consciousness.

* * *

Roxanne stared down at the alien in her arms as he went limp and tucked his head into the crook of her elbow. Had he just called her Minion? Oh, god. The head trauma, the dizziness, the confusion- he had a concussion. She was pretty sure human doctors wouldn't be able to help, even if she trusted them to, but what other option did she have? She didn't know where the Lair was. Maybe she could contact Minion?

Anyway, the most immediate concern was getting him somewhere safe. And she seemed to recall that the most important thing after a concussion was to get plenty of rest. Fine. Her apartment was only a couple minutes away, she could carry him that far. Then she'd bandage his head and figure out how to get help.

The mob had started shouting again. There was so much she wanted to say to them. But how could she express how little he deserved this in a way they'd understand, or even listen to? She knew the worst thing he was guilty of was getting into what amounted to slap fights with his rival, maybe breaking some stuff along the way, but both of them were guilty of that. And although Megamind _was_ almost certainly involved in some criminal enterprises, Metro City's violent crime rates had gone down by a factor of 10 since he made his entrance as a teenager. She'd checked every study she could find, and the timing fit perfectly.

But she knew these people didn't see things her way, wouldn't take her seriously if she tried to explain. So she didn't. Without looking up from Megamind's bruised, unconscious face, she spoke up through the commotion. "Go home."

The mob quieted, but there was an uneasy murmur. On person continued to shout. "He's evil! He should be-"

Roxanne used all the restraint she had to stop herself from shooting them a death glare, from screaming insults and threatening to publish every mistake they'd ever made. "I. Said. Go. Home." She started walking, carefully cradling the limp body of the city's resident supervillain against her torso. Maybe it was her strong and measured steps, or the way she looked right through anyone who got in her way, but the crowd parted for her.

As soon as she got out of their sight, she started going as fast as she could without jolting the man in her arms. Please, let him be alright.


	4. Chapter 4

The adrenaline carried Roxanne about a block towards her apartment before her arms could no longer take the stress. She sank into a snowdrift beside the nearest building, ignoring the cold that seeped through her crisp black jeans. Megamind jolted in her arms as her grip nearly gave out, but showed no signs of waking up.

Sitting against the wall, Roxanne shifted her sleeping passenger so he was sprawled over her lap with his head resting on her shoulder. There was only one block left; she might be able to make it if she was willing to carry him like a sack of potatoes, but she wasn't. She refused to risk making his injuries worse.

There weren't a lot of options she could think of. She could rest her arms until she was ready to go another block, but she didn't know how badly the cold would affect him. And it was likely that they'd be pursued once the people in the square got over their confusion. Technically, calling Hal was an option, but- Never mind. No it wasn't. Was there anyone she could call who would respect her judgement and be willing to help?

Megamind whimpered into her ear. With his chest against hers, she could feel his steady breathing. That, and her practice keeping composed in front of crowds, were the only things saving her from total panic. The arm holding him up against her trembled a bit. She was going to get him help, even if she had to fight everyone in the city on the way.

He sighed and stirred.

Megamind was running, trying to dehydrate his attackers, but the snow kept rehydrating them; when he fell, they were on him in an instant. He sheathed his de-gun, tried to stand, but something hard and cold hit his head and he went down again, again, again- until Minion showed up to save him, and

Suddenly, he was facing a wall. Was he back in the Lair? He was still being held, his head now on Minion's shoulder and brushing against soft hair. Making a choked sobbing noise, Megamind reached up to wrap his arms around Minion's tank.

Wait. Minion's hair was on his shoulders. Whoever this was, they had hair on their head. That wasn't right. Releasing them as quickly as he had embraced them, he fell backwards and fumbled at his belt for his de-gun, drawing it and aiming it shakily at the blurry figure advancing towards him. He could do this, he just had to banter, just had to hide his weakness until he could get away.

It would be an understatement to say Roxanne was surprised when Megamind threw his arms around her neck and practically cried into her ear. She'd seen him beaten up time and time again, but he always stayed strong, confident through it all. There was the occasional fit of hysterics when his latest deathtrap failed to impress her, of course, but this was something entirely new.

Before she had finished processing this, he let go again, falling flat onto his back and lying there on the pavement. She let out a low cry of surprise and dismay, jolting forwards to help him up, to wrap her jacket around his still-bleeding head and tell him to take it easy.

He had his gun out and pointed right at her, though he was shaking too badly to keep it completely still.

Roxanne stopped, holding up her hands. "Megamind?"

"Yes, it's me!" he said clearly, looking straight at her left ear. "I have broken into the- _uh, what was it_ \- the Metrocity Center of Art, and soon I will, uh, I'll, Metrocity will be mine!"

His finger rested very near the trigger, but not on it. Shuffling on her knees, Roxanne moved slowly towards him. "Megamind. I'm not going to hurt you. It's me, Roxanne, see?"

He scooted backwards and clumsily attempted to sit up, still holding the gun with his free hand and propping himself on the other. "Not going to-" He squinted at her, then his eyes widened and he emitted a range of startled squeaking noises. "Miss Ritchi?"

" _Yes,_ " she said firmly, relieved. "Do you think you can walk if I help you? We really need to get inside before the mob comes after us."

"But why- I don't-" His face displayed utter bewilderment. "Are you trying to kidnap me?"

Roxanne's face twisted into something like pain. Did he really think that was the most logical reason she'd offer to help? He did have a concussion, she reminded herself, surely that was why. "That's kind of _your_ thing, Megamind," she remarked with the snarkiness she normally addressed him with. She noticed he'd lowered the gun; it was resting in his lap. "Look, we can talk about this once we're inside, but since your machine is wrecked you don't have a lot of options right now. Just let me help." She extended a hand to him, standing.

He stared up at her blankly, seemingly processing. The look of confusion didn't leave his face, but he reached up and took her hand, slipping his gun back into his belt loop.

With his gloved hand in hers, she pulled him to his feet, throwing an arm around his waist when he swayed. She felt him tense up where she touched him. That was reasonable, of course; they weren't friends, after all. It made sense he'd be uncomfortable touching her. Even during kidnappings, he almost always sent Minion to get her instead of doing it himself. She pushed back the bitterness that started to arise. She hadn't saved him because she'd thought they were friends, she'd saved him because he needed to be saved. And because no one else was going to do it.

Megamind was looking at her, his bright green eyes slightly unfocused. "Miss Ritchi?"

"I don't know where your Lair is and it's probably too far anyway, so I'm taking you to my place to get cleaned up." Roxanne kept her left arm around her waist and started walking. He put most of his weight onto her, and she couldn't help but glance up at the bruises and scrapes on his head. Oh, god. Quickly snapping her eyes forward, she pointed out the entrance to her building. "If we're lucky, we'll be able to get through the lobby without being seen. Be ready to move fast, though."

His breath sped up a little, but it was the resignation in his voice that was really scary, reminding her of the way he'd been in the crowd: small, unresisting. "I can't."

"Well, that's okay," she reassured him. "I can throw my jacket over your head and, uh- I'll pretend you're a filming prop, it'll be fine-"

"No, that's not- it's shool all over again-" and, to Roxanne's concern, he actually began to cry, breaths shaking and a few teardrops rolling down his cheeks.

She paused, not knowing what to say. "…If this is what school was like for you, it's too bad we didn't go to the same school."

He was still tense, but he relaxed somewhat into her arm and continued softly crying.

Looking both ways, Roxanne hurried them around the corner and up the steps of her apartment, opening the door by ramming into it with the side that Megamind wasn't attached to. The doorman looked up and his face filled with horror. He looked like he was about to shout for help.

Roxanne nipped that in the bud. "This is a medical emergency, Carlos, don't you dare call security," she said, words rapid. "He's in no condition to harm me even if he wanted to. Please don't tell anyone he's here."

Carlos hesitated, reaching towards the landline, but he dropped his hand with a sigh. "I guess I still owe you a favor. Just be careful, Miss Ritchi."

"Thanks, Carlos," she responded, guiding her stumbling supervillain into the elevator. "I promise I know what I'm doing."


	5. Chapter 5

Luckily, there was no one around when they got into the building, so they made it into her room without running into anyone who would question them. The second Roxanne closed the door behind them, Megamind pulled away, staggering forward to collapse onto her crimson couch. He curled into the cushions, shivering.

Roxanne bit her lip. Okay, he didn't want to touch her. Why did that bother her so much? Didn't matter, she reminded herself. Priority one was making sure he wasn't going to get worse. So, first aid kit, maybe some blankets since his suit didn't seem to be weatherproof.

She walked behind the couch to get the first aid kit from underneath the sink. Megamind turned to watch her, leaning heavily on the back of the couch, but stayed silent. Setting the first aid kit on the counter, she told him "I'm going to go get you some things to warm up, all right? I'll be right back." She waited a few seconds to see if he'd respond, then turned to go down the hallway.

* * *

Megamind was- he wasn't sure where he was. He was sitting on something very soft and comfortable. And red. A blurry figure was talking to him. Too small to be Minion, so- oh yes, Roxanne Ritchi. She'd been there after Minion had gotten him away from the civilian mob. Wait, then where was Minion? Minion would never just leave him in the snow, he would have gone right back to the lair. What happened to Minion?

He felt for the de-gun at his waist. Yes, still there. But his communications device for this plot was back in the battle suit. What if Minion was in trouble? How would he call Megamind for help?

* * *

Roxanne re-entered the room, setting two blankets on the couch by Megamind. Then she froze and went straight to the window, looking out and checking for any curious onlookers before swiftly drawing the curtains. It wasn't as if anyone was especially likely to notice the two of them from the street, but someone in the apartment across the way could easily have seen them.

She really needed to get a more private apartment. Something where nobody could casually spy on her. If she got that raise she'd been asking for, maybe she could afford a penthouse in one of the apartments overlooking the waterfront?

She turned back to the couch. "I did a quick computer search and as far as I can tell the most important thing to remember when you have a head injury is-"

Megamind was partway curled into the fetal position, staring unseeing at the blankets she'd placed in front of him. He was still shivering.

"Oh, no," Roxanne rushed over to the couch. "I'll get you bandaged up right away, okay?"

He looked up at her, tears once more welling up in her eyes. "Minion saved me. He saved me, and I don't know where he is, and I think the mob got him-" He punctuated his statements by half-heartedly waving his arms in the air, de-gun in one hand.

"Whoa there, slow down." Roxanne caught his hands in hers, gently taking the de-gun from him and setting it on the coffee table. "Minion saved you?"

Megamind relaxed his defensive posture a little. "They were throwing dodgeballs- snowballs- they were throwing things, Minion carried me away. I don't know where he went."

"Megamind-" She paused, unsure if this would upset him further. "That was me. I didn't see Minion, he's probably OK."

"Minion is still in the lair?" Megamind confirmed, half to himself. "Minion's safe." He opened his mouth to speak, then pulled his brows together and closed it again, deep in thought. Roxanne took advantage of his pause to pull the blankets she'd brought him over his lap and tuck them around his shoulders. He either didn't notice or didn't mind, because he didn't stir from his contemplative position.

"I'm going to get the first aid kit now," Roxanne informed him, going over to the kitchen. She took the kit, then paused and opened a drawer with a quiet

* * *

Thoonk. Dodgeballs thudded against the wall, the rubber giving the sound almost bell-like undertones if you listened close enough. They were hitting all around him, but he remained untouched.

A voice rang out from in front of him: proud, commanding, and accented by two pinpricks of red light. "Get him!"

The first ball grazed his arm. The second one knocked his shoulder back against the rough brick wall. The next hit him straight in the stomach. He stumbled, breath forced out of his lungs. Then someone hit the side of his head, and now they were all aiming for his magnificent blue braincase.

His temples throbbed, but it was okay; he'd learned from experience that he didn't bruise as easy as humans did. Wayne could kill him with the flick of a finger, of course, but didn't seem to think the skinny blue kid was worth his time. So he'd be fine as long as it didn't get

Cold.

Dodgeballs were still hitting him, but they were shrinking, getting colder, breaking apart on impact. He was on his knees, staring into whiteness.

Cold.

He'd never admitted how bad it was, especially to Minion (Minion worried about him too much as it was).

Ice, hard and unyielding, cutting across his face.

Cold.

His reflexes and overall resilience always lowered during winter. It had never been a problem, he just cut back on plot frequency a little and if things ever went wrong Metro Man took him right to the nice warm jail.

He'd miscalculated this time. Snowballs impacted him, harder, harder, seeding bruises across his skin.

Cold

Cold _cold cold cold-_

Miss Ritchi was in his face, holding his shoulder and shouting his name. Oh, that's right, he was sheltering in her apartment. He relaxed slightly. It was safe here.

Nonetheless, he pulled away from Miss Ritchi out of politeness. She might be willing to help him now, but if he imposed too much- well, he wanted to avoid that. They had an excellent professional relationship, and he wasn't about to screw that up by violating her personal space.

* * *

Roxanne had been really alarmed when she took a bowl of water and a damp towel back to the couch only to find Megamind had fallen asleep and appeared to be having a nightmare, crying silently.

She couldn't help feeling relieved when she successfully woke him, and disappointed when he moved aside so her hand was no longer touching him. They weren't friends, she reminded herself, she was just a convenient hostage. Unfortunately, her emotions didn't seem to think that mattered.

"Thank you, Miss Ritchi," Megamind said quietly, not looking at her.

Roxanne widened her eyes momentarily, unsure how to respond, then steadied herself. Banter now, worry later. "You can thank me by holding still while I clean your head."

He went very still. One hand clutched a fistful of blankets, the other went up and gently ran over his temple. It came back bloody, a damp red patch on his scuffed black gloves. And finally, he looked her in the eyes.

God, those eyes- he was always so full of energy, seeing him this burnt out just felt wrong.

"I suppose that would be for the best." he said simply, and Roxanne broke eye contact to grab the towel she'd brought over. If she'd kept looking for much longer, he might have seen how worried she was about him. Heavens know that would be embarrassing for both of them.

She sat down next to him, dipping the towel into the bowl of water which she'd placed on the coffee table. He closed his eyes and faced away as she raised the wet towel to the side of his head. "You okay?" she asked quietly.

He gave a brief nod and responded in a low voice. "Go ahead." He winced as the towel touched his skin, but stayed still just like she'd asked him to.

Roxanne gently dabbed the towel against a cut on his temple, blotting away the blood. Then she moved to the next, and the next- _how_ had these people been able to do this to him? How could they keep _throwing_ things at him once they'd seen him bleed? Yes, he was a bit of a nuisance, but that was not a good enough reason to act so hatefully against someone.

She found she was gritting her teeth and had to take a couple deep and somewhat angry breaths to calm down. Getting mad wouldn't help either of them now.

Inspecting this side of his head, it seemed she'd cleaned up the abrasions but there were still sticky rivulets of blood sweeping along the curves of his skull. She dipped the towel in the water again and pressed it against his scalp, wiping the red away to reveal his sky-blue skin. As she moved the towel from his forehead to the back of his skull, her arm was raised at such an angle that she was practically embracing his head.

She pulled the towel away for a second and looked at his face to see if he was okay being this close to her. He'd seemed kind of reserved earlier. At this point, it was only sort of a surprise to see a couple of tears escape from his still-closed eyes.

* * *

Roxanne made noises of annoyance, almost disgust, as she poked at his head with her hand. Oh. He'd hoped- But there it was.

He shouldn't have let her do this. Should have kept his distance so she'd have taken longer to realize what an alien freak he really was. It was amazing it had taken her this long, really, given he had been kidnapping her for years now.

But she kept going, kept moving the towel over his head. Although the wet towel was a little chilly, the pressure was soothing. Having a person touch him like this, touch him at all, was- new. Minion did his best, of course, but Minion's fishlike species wasn't really adapted for physical contact and neither was the gorilla suit.

It was a shame he would only get to experience this once. If only he was more normal, if his head was smaller and his skin was pinker, then maybe-

No. He had heard her disgust. It was too late now to do anything but enjoy it while it lasted.

When she took her hand away, he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes and watch her run just like everyone else he'd tried to make his friend.


	6. Chapter 6

Roxanne froze for a long second, unsure what had gone wrong this time. Was the water too cold? She'd been in a hurry and hadn't let it warm up. Maybe it was just stinging at his cuts, in which case he was really not going to like it when she got out the rubbing alcohol.

Megamind shifted his body so he was facing even further away from her, tension evident in the way he held his shoulders and clutched at the blanket she'd given him.

So maybe it was more than discomfort at the towel. But even if he didn't want her help, Roxanne refused to leave him like this. She wanted him to know she wasn't like that, wasn't like those assholes who had wanted to hurt him-

Oh, god, maybe she kind of was? She would never have done something like _this_ , but there were a lot of kidnappings where she'd insulted his plans, his deathtraps, all kinds of things. Bantering with him was one of her favorite parts of the whole "hostage" gig. But what if he didn't see it the same way? He might think she did it for the same reason as Wayne: an annoyingly condescending sense of superiority. (Metro Man meant well, but he was… really narcissistic). And if that was the way he saw her- was he afraid she'd take him back to jail?

Megamind was shaking now, still looking away, and Roxanne realized he was trying to cry silently. Despite his efforts, she could hear the occasional hiccupping sob.

She put the towel aside and reached out to carefully put a hand on his shoulder. "Megamind," she tried, feeling even more awkward than before, "You must be pretty upset about, uh, your plan going wrong today. And maybe you expect me to be a jerk about it because I'm… not usually very encouraging? But I've never taken you to jail before and I'm not going to now. I just want to help you out so things can go back to normal."

He made a little croaking sound, fell silent for a second, and cleared his throat. His breaths were still irregular, but they slowed a little. "…you're still here?"

What? "Megamind," Roxanne reminded him, confused, "We're in my apartment. I live here."

He didn't respond to that for a second, then spoke in a tentative and confused whisper. "But _I'm_ here."

"I needed somewhere safe to take you, all right?" Roxanne said, holding back all but a hint of defensiveness. "If I knew where the Lair was I would have taken you there, but I don't, so you'll just have to put up with me."

Megamind chuckled, looking back at her over his shoulder. One cheek, stained with tears, became visible. "As if there's anything to put up with."

"…what."

"There's more than one reason I always kidnap _you_ , Ms. Ritchi. Your composure, your improvisational skills, the sheer number of times you've figured out the plot before Metro Man even showed up- you're completely brilliant. I honestly can't understand why _you_ put up with _me._ " He fell silent, looking at her with an emotion she didn't quite recognize.

That was- unusually direct. Then again, they'd never interacted quite like this before, completely outside the villain/hostage dynamic, and they'd definitely never interacted while he had a concussion. Had he ever gotten a concussion during a plot before? It was certainly possible, Metro Man usually took him to jail right afterwards so she rarely saw his post-battle injuries up close. And now that she'd thought of it, that was a little concerning. Maybe she should see if the prison would let her visit.

Roxanne stared at him blankly for what felt like a long time. He'd said too much. For a moment, it had seemed like nothing had changed, like maybe he'd imagined the disgust, but he shouldn't have allowed himself to hope. Hope hadn't helped him as a child and it was stupid to think it ever would.

At last, she spoke. "I never thought I'd be admitting this to you, but… Megamind, I enjoy our routine too."

What. WHAT. Had she really just said that, or was the headache he could feel coming on causing him to mishear things? "You _enjoy_ being _kidnapped_? By _me?_ " Of course he'd hoped, but that wasn't how these things were supposed to go at all!

She looked at him with what seemed like genuine concern. "I mean, the kidnapping part is a little annoying. Particularly the fact that you keep forgetting to wash the bag, that thing smells like expired perfume and charred keratin. But I'm totally on board with getting a front-row seat to every single plot! And you actually banter with me as well as Metro Man, which is like starring in a real-life action movie."

It really wasn't processing. "But- you- me?" He'd turned back around to face her without noticing, gesturing wildly at himself.

Roxanne raised an eyebrow. "What about you?"

"I'm an _alien_! A _supervillain_!" he burst out. "Or hadn't you noticed my head's too big, and my skin's the wrong color, and I'm constantly building _doomsday machines_?"

She went silent for another long minute, looking him over. What in Evil's name could she be playing at?

It was probably too much to hope that the way he was talking was another side-effect of the concussion. It had come out too easily for her to really believe that. But the alternative was that Megamind always thought about himself like that, and that seemed unlikely. He was too confident for that, wasn't he? Always smiling, even when he got arrested. Always standing back up, ready to get back in the fight.

She looked him over, bruised and still bloody on one side of his head, and thought about the way she'd found him kneeling in the snow. Like he'd given up.

Oh.

"Megamind," she started slowly, " 'it's big for a reason.' Isn't that what you always tell people? And the only people who think skin colors can even _be_ wrong are bigots, and _they_ can go _sh-_ " She stopped as her tone abruptly became venomous, saving Megamind from the string of profanities that had been on the tip of her tongue.

He scooted away from her nonetheless, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I appreciate the effort, Ms. Ritchi, but I know you're lying. I heard you when you touched my head, you're disgusted by me. Just let me modify your radio and I'll call Minion to come get me." He fumbled behind him, pulling a portable radio she'd left there onto the couch.

What was he even talking about? When she touched his head, she- oh, "That wasn't at you! I was getting worked up about the mob in the square who threw things-" Then what he was doing registered and she snatched the radio from him as he tried to pry it open. "You have a concussion, you need to rest your mind, so no tinkering," she lectured him. She'd looked it up on the internet when she went to get blankets. "Please, just let me finish cleaning you up so you don't get an infection or something. I… I guess you don't believe me, but I really don't like seeing you hurt like this."

He looked at her blankly, head tilted and eyes narrowed like he was looking for something. Then he closed his eyes, trying and failing to hold back tears. "I believe you," he said quietly, "though I don't understand you."

"Good enough, I guess." Roxanne shrugged, trying to smile. She picked up the towel and wet it again, standing and moving over to his other side. "Okay, here's the plan. I'm going to finish wiping up the blood, disinfect with rubbing alcohol, and get you some bandages. If Minion hasn't found you by then I'll set up a distress beacon on the roof or something. Sound good?"

He simply nodded and closed his eyes again, face going blank. Roxanne faded deep into thought as she wiped blood off his skin, zoning out again. How had she never seen this side of him before? The breakdown was probably triggered by the concussion, true, but the depth of his self-esteem issues was so obvious that it was amazing he'd hidden it for- she didn't even know how long. Well, he couldn't hide it anymore, but now what? He certainly wouldn't agree to get professional help even if she could find someone who accepted supervillains as clients.

Just out of her field of vision, a single red light shone through the curtains at the window.

TARGET DETECTED: FATHER

OBJECTIVE COMPLETED: LOCATE FATHER

NEW OBJECTIVE: REPORT LOCATION TO MINION

SENDING DATA…

" _bowg"_


	7. Chapter 7

Minion stood in front of the security monitors, fluttering his fins anxiously. In the older, smaller, slightly rusty body he was wearing, he probably could have fit in Megamind's chair, but that hadn't occurred to him yet. His eyes were flicking back and forth, trying to keep track of the more than 500 video feeds transmitted by the brainbot search parties. He'd cancelled their re-training after some time with no radio contact, knowing something must have gone wrong.

Minion's suspicions had been confirmed when the brainbots found the wreck of the latest battle suit. What was strange, and particularly concerning, was that Sir was nowhere to be found. The police were present at the scene, directing groups of angry-looking civilians away from the scene of the wreck, but they didn't have Sir in custody. He'd had the brainbots check every squad car, and in desperation even had them break into the police station. It was good that they'd sent most of their officers over to City Hall, otherwise 356 might have gotten seriously damaged after their very unsubtle entrance through a windowpane.

One of the feeds went black. Minion jolted as he noticed it, tripping over his too-small feet and catching himself on the desk. Words began to appear on the empty panel.

RECEIVING DATA FROM UNIT: 17

OBJECTIVE COMPLETED

SENDING COORDINATES IN 3 2 1

"17, you are _such_ a good cyborg." Minion sighed in relief. He watched a streetmap appear on 17's feed. "Wait, isn't that where Ms. Ritchi lives?!"

* * *

Megamind held still as Ms. Ritchi gently adhered one last piece of gauze to his head with medical tape. He scooted away slightly when she was done, attempting to focus his blurry vision on her face but finding himself unable to do so. That was disturbing, and he felt his heart pounding harder in response. He remembered this happening a couple times before, but he couldn't focus long enough to remember why.

"That should do it for now," Ms. Ritchi said, her voice betraying no emotion. Not even annoyance. That was odd. Wasn't it? "Are you willing to tell me where the Lair is or shall I-"

The window shattered, dozens of brainbots swarming the two of them. Several grasped Ms. Ritchi in their claws, lifting her off the couch and gently depositing her on a stool in the kitchen- away from him.

"Make a run for it, Sir!" Minion's voice came from a small speaker on one of the brainbots near him.

His automatic response was to comply. Minion almost always knew what was best for him. But when he stood, the world tilted around him and he found himself back on the couch. "Minion, help me," he requested fervently.

The brainbots all froze in midair, including the ones that were keeping Miss Ritchi away from him, and then moved with wasplike purpose to form a protective sphere around him.

Minion's voice came through the speaker again. "What did she do to you, Sir?!"

* * *

Roxanne had been somewhat annoyed when the brainbots broke her window. She was definitely not getting the security deposit back. She had wanted to get him back to his Evil Lair, though, so she didn't resist as the brainbots moved her off the couch. She should mention that to him later; it wouldn't have been a very effective method of restraint for someone who actually fought back.

But when she heard Minion blaming her for the situation, she might have lost her temper just a little bit.

"What did _I_ do? What did I _do?_ I saved his goddamn _life_ , Minion." Standing up and stalking towards the brainbot sphere, Roxanne grew increasingly impassioned as she kept ranting. "The plan failed like they _always_ fail, and he got _hurt_ , and I _saved_ him." Her voice rose almost to a shriek. "They were going to _kill him!_ "

As suddenly as she'd started, she stopped, the weight of her words falling on her. "They- they were going to kill him." Now that her adrenaline high was wearing off, this filled her with as much fear as it did anger. What would she have done if he died? If their routine stopped and she had to go back to a normal life? She couldn't imagine. Sitting down suddenly on the floor, she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to breathe slowly. But she couldn't see him through the wall of brainbots and the glare of their red eyes. She couldn't see if he was okay.

Roxanne's breathing quickened. She started to feel like she was choking, but pulling her collar away from her neck didn't help. She could feel her heartbeat racing in her fingers and chest. Megamind was still not visible through the cloud of brainbots.

How much time had passed? Roxanne looked at her wrist, but she wasn't wearing a watch. Breathing quickly and desperately through the choking feeling in her throat, she turned over her hand and looked carefully at both sides. It felt kind of numb- that was weird, she'd been wearing gloves outside and everything.

There were some words happening in the background, muffled a bit by the background noise of the brainbots 'barking' at each other. "out of the- no! no biting! Stay-"

* * *

They moved when he told them to, although they were clearly concerned about him. Still following whatever silent order Minion had sent them, they pressed closely around him as he stumbled towards Ms. Ritchi, who was staring at her hand as if she had never seen it before.

"Ms. Ritchi!" he called out to her, falling somewhat ungracefully to his knees. It was fine, he was already hurt and even if this made it worse it hardly mattered. "Ms. Ritchi, are you all right?" She took a moment, but she looked away from her hand and towards his face.

"Megamind," she responded, almost questioning. Then she put her hand on her chest, over her heart, breathing alarmingly quickly. "You're okay. You're okay, I saved you, you're okay," she repeated, somewhat to herself. She moved her hand forward off her chest, reaching out in his direction, and he realized how close together they were sitting. He tried to crush his disappointment when she pulled back her hand just before her fingers could touch his face.

"I'm sorry," she said, exhaling deeply. Her breathing became more regular, but he could tell she was forcing it from the way she gasped between breaths sometimes.

Minion's voice came from one of the brainbots again, still very worried. "Are you two okay? What happened, Sir? Did you try to kidnap her after all?"

"There were some _setbacks_ with the plan, Minyon," Megamind informed him. "I may have, uh," he paused, trying and failing to think of the right word, "gotten hurt. Um. Just a bit."

Ms. Ritchi let out a loud, dry "HA!" and reached out to put her hand over his gloved forearm. "He has a concussion, Minion, he was _assaulted_ by an entire _mob._ "

From Minion's end of the microphone, they heard a staticky bubbling noise and a loud crack, followed by a crashing noise and the sound of glass breaking.

Megamind's reaction was instant alarm. "Minyon! My Minyon, are you hurt?" What if Metro Man had come back early and barged into the Lair?

His fear didn't last too long. Minion's voice came through the brainbot's speakers again, still full of stress. "Oh dear- don't worry Sir, we can replace the monitors- you have a CONCUSSION?"

Megamind considered this for a moment. "Yes, I suppose that would fit the symptoms, although the effect of such trauma on an alien system is by no means guaranteed to-" He stopped, mind blank. Had he been saying something?

As his brilliant mind got stuck on a loading screen (and once he thought that, he couldn't help envisioning it, and almost laughed) he realized Ms. Ritchi was touching his arm, practically his hand. If it weren't for his gloves, she'd be-

Minion was muttering something, then raised his voice to an audible level again. "Sir, you need to get back to the lair and receive medical attention."

He had to expend an abnormal amount of effort to process that. "How? Are you going to have the brainbots carry me?"

Dear Minion sighed exaggeratedly. His natural breathing didn't sound like that at all, but he had adopted the habit for the sake of better communication with terrestrial lifeforms. Oh, wait, he was saying something.

"…but under the circumstances, I think that's inadvisable, and since I can't come and get you we may have no choice but to – well –" There was a pause. "Code: Have Ms. Ritchi drive you home?"

Megamind seemed to remember that this was a bad idea, but he couldn't think of why. And all the other plans were dangerous to him, Minion, or both of them. So, slowly, he nodded his head.


	8. Chapter 8

Driving Megamind back to the lair so Minion could make sure he was alright. That was the plan Roxanne had come up with, too, but she had expected an argument. After all, what was the bag even for if they were willing to trust her with the location of the Lair?

Well, maybe saving Megamind had convinced them she was on their side. …On their side? No, they were still _supervillains_. She wasn't on their side, not like that, she only saved him because unlike some people, she had a sense of common decency. Yeah.

Her fingers tightened around Megamind's forearm slightly, and she realized she had touched him without asking. She quickly let go and pulled her hand away, avoiding eye contact.

Now that she thought of it, why couldn't Minion come and get him? Megamind obviously couldn't walk back, it would be unsafe to have the brainbots carry him while he was injured, but…

"Minion, did something happen to the invisible car? Can't you pick him up?"

There was an extended, staticky silence before Minion's voice sounded from the broadcasting brainbot. "…My feet don't reach the pedals."

That was confusing, too, and on a normal day she would have continued questioning him. Today, however, it might be important to move quickly so Minion could find out – what was it Megamind had said? 'The effect of head trauma on an alien'? Her throat started to clench again. What if his biology didn't react to concussion like a human's would? What if he never recovered- or got worse?

Roxanne took several deep, intentional breaths. She couldn't afford to have another panic attack right now. She needed to be calm enough to drive. Megamind needed her.

Well, for now at least. After this was over he'd probably go right back to the same old routine, and she'd go back to literally sitting on the sidelines of every battle.

She stood up, Megamind rising with her and meeting her gaze with slightly unfocused green eyes. "Well, I guess we're going for a drive."

He nodded again. "I- thank you, Ms. Ritchi."

Roxanne exhaled through her nose. "I'm going to get you one of my spare coats, and then we'll take the elevator down to the parking garage." She looked at the brainbot that had been speaking for Minion. "Can you send the other brainbots away discreetly? I don't want to attract too much attention…" She glanced at her shattered window, and sighed. Maybe it was too late for that, but if she was lucky anyone who saw it would assume it had just been a kidnapping and not ask any awkward questions.

Minion's speaking brainbot flew over to Megamind, who rubbed its head and cooed to it. "That's a good bot, 17. Who's a brilliant creation of science? You are!"

The brainbot bowged, and at the same time started to project Minion's voice again. The beginning of the transmission was garbled because of that. Hm – it was interesting but somehow not surprising that Megamind valued his creations' free will above the optimization of their functions.

Minion's message finished "…will be more obvious if they leave all at once, but I'll orchestrate some other acts of mayhem so their presence here seems less suspicious."

Roxanne looked over at Megamind, who was now idly resting his fingers on the brainbot's – on 17's dome and looking slightly confused.

"All right," she said after a second. She turned and walked a few paces to the hall closet and began sorting through it. "Megamind, do you mind wearing one of my coats? You'll need it, the car will be cold."

He tilted his head to the side. "Why would I mind?"

She waved a hand at him. "You know, women's clothes…" She pulled out a dark cobalt overcoat that she had almost forgotten she owned.

Megamind's mouth formed an o and he made grabby hands. Roxanne laughed before she knew what she was doing.

* * *

She laughed. A real laugh, like she was happy. She was happy? But before Megamind could even try to process that, she was throwing the jacket towards him and he flailed his arms around in a desperate attempt to catch it. He failed. Roxanne was still smiling, bright like her face was the sun and springtime had come early.

Megamind felt his face and ears heat up, and quickly bent over to pick up the coat so she wouldn't see how flustered he was to see her happy. He had done so much to compromise her happiness, it seemed almost inconceivable that she was even capable of feeling happy in his presence. Then again, hadn't she said something earlier about enjoying kidnappings? Maybe this whole thing was actually a hallucination induced by the head trauma. That would explain a lot.

He hesitated for a moment, still avoiding eye contact because he honestly had no idea how to respond to what had just happened. Then he unclasped his collar and shed the tattered remains of his cape, replacing it as quickly as possible with the coat.

He didn't think he'd ever seen her wear this one. It was dark blue, with double buttons and a flare at the waist that was honestly reassuring in its resemblance to a cape. Uncomfortable leaving his neck bare, he flipped up the collar. Not ideal, but passable.

He glanced up to see Ms. Ritchi still looking at him with a strange expression. It was – soft, but confused somehow. Well, confusion wasn't the worst emotion he tended to inspire in people. And he'd be leaving her alone soon enough.

"Shall we go, Ms. Ritchi?" he asked. If his voice trembled at all – well, he was probably still cold.

* * *

Roxanne, Megamind, and 17 successfully made it to the elevator, the parking garage, and into her car without being seen. She had Megamind and 17 sit in the back seat so the tinted windows would mostly block them from view. Minion began giving her directions through 17, but even once she was out on the roads she couldn't quite get past how Megamind's enthusiasm about her coat had made her feel.

She couldn't even bring herself to be triumphant about finally finding out where the Lair was. I mean, the industrial district was full of 'abandoned' warehouses perfect for any aspiring supervillain. Megamind was way too dramatic to resist such a classic trope. Meaning that if she'd ever really put her mind to it, she probably could have found it in, like, a day.

Absently following Minion's instructions, she helped Megamind out of the car in front of a plain brick wall. Well, not plain, it had graffiti on it, it just didn't have any visible doors or windows. Her gaze passed a lot of tags and-

Wait.

"Go away, nobody lives here?" Roxanne read aloud.

Minion's voice crackled through 17's speakers. "Oh _yeah_ , there it is! You can enter through the wall, it's a hologram."

"You can do holograms?" She looked at Megamind, his arm slung around her shoulder, his head bandaged, and his normally so intense green eyes slightly unfocused. Her adrenalin spiked, and she quickly tore her eyes away and focused on getting him to the door- wall- thing. "It looks very convincing."

Minion's voice came from the wall this time, and a figure much smaller than she was used to emerged from the wall, blue light sparking around him as the hologram was disrupted. "Please don't tell anyone, Ms. Ritchi. It's really useful, and we hardly ever use it for plots."

That honestly raised a lot of questions, but the most confusing thing was that Minion's chassis was child-sized and much more cylindrical than usual. He reminded her of some cartoon robot, she couldn't recall where from. Well, at least this explained the comment about not being able to drive. "Why are you wearing that?"

"Oh, uh, I'd rather not talk about that," Minion said, fluttering his fins nervously and smiling without meeting her eyes. He held out a hand, and Megamind took a few steps forward to lean on him. Now, with Megamind's hand on his tank as if he was a sapient cane, Minion somehow looked even stranger than before. "Thank you so much for bringing him back safe, Ms. Ritchi, I was so worried."

"Oh, uh, you're welcome?" Roxanne said, feeling awkward and trying not to panic again about how close Megamind had been to – _not_ getting away safely.

Minion smiled, reaching up to take hold of Megamind's arm and guiding him backwards, the two disappearing into the wall in a flash of blue.

Roxanne stared at the graffitied wall for another minute or two, trying to discern what exactly had just happened. When she started getting cold and still didn't have a clue, she got back in her car and drove home.

She knew where _his_ home was, now. What she didn't know was what she was supposed to do with that information. They had trusted her with that. They hadn't even explicitly told her to keep it a secret. Well, Wayne already knew where it was, she was sure. With all his superpowers, and all the years Megamind had spent battling him, he must have found it by now. So maybe they hadn't trusted her, so much as figured she couldn't do any harm with the information. Though in that case, seriously, why the bag? _Why?_

So maybe it would be best if she didn't tell Wayne the whole story after all. It would definitely be on the news, but her bosses didn't have her personal number so she had until work tomorrow to come up with a plausible excuse for saving a notorious supervillain.

She arrived back in the parking garage and frowned the whole way back to her apartment.

Maybe she should see what the news was saying about today's plot. It would be hard to excuse her involvement in his rescue, but not impossible. She wouldn't be a very good reporter if she couldn't think on her feet. She certainly wouldn't be able to bluff her way into as many places as she did, at least.

Roxanne pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the _Cape Alert Metro City_ blog. It had, as expected, a warning to avoid the City Hall area with a two out of ten skull threat level rating. No wonder people hadn't bothered to avoid the area. An edit to the post marked that the incident was over but there was still debris and machinery on site, downgrading the threat level to one skull. A summary of the incident said that Megamind had showed up at City Hall and started threatening the Mayor, then there was an explosion and the giant robot collapsed. Megamind's escape was almost thwarted by "citizens' arrest" – Roxanne scoffed – when an unknown accomplice showed up and caused enough confusion for the two of them to get away.

What?

She turned on the news. In her absence, surely they would have – yes, there it was.

A reporter stood in front of the wreck at City Hall. "-what is being called an attempted citizens' arrest. The identity of the person who aided Megamind's escape from justice is not yet know. Reports say it was definitely not his henchman – fish – but is believed to be human, although some witnesses claim their skin was unnaturally pale." The television played a short video clip showing a blurry figure in a red jacket, hood pulled up and black scarf covering their face. "Megamind and his fish have not been seen since. Roxanne Ritchi's whereabouts are unknown, but commotion was reported near her apartment and it is presumed she has been kidnapped. Attempts to contact Metro Man have failed…"

They didn't know it was her. Bundled up for the cold weather like she was, and with a jacket she didn't wear on camera, they couldn't tell it was her.

Looking back at her home phone, she saw several missed calls from the station. Darn it, no wonder they thought she'd been kidnapped. Well, it was a good alibi, though she'd have to say the kidnapping had failed to explain how she 'got away' so soon.

A notification buzzed on her cell. A text.

* * *

 **Hal:** it says on tv u helped megmind?

dont worry I wont tell anyone. but we should talk

like, over coffee

see you tomorrow 😊


End file.
